Nothing yet

I called and left a message for the licensing worker yesterday (she was out of the office) just to touch base with her and let her know that we have the First Aid cards she requested as well as the vaccination records that are required for our zoo of pets (LOL). I am waiting to hear back from her to see if she wants me to mail the stuff to her or hold on to it until the home inspection. Nothing new yet...

First Aid

We took our last and final class for preparation of becoming licensed yesterday. We finished our First Aid Training. The class was done through the American Red Cross and was 4 hours long. We did learn a lot. We need to make copies of our certified cards and send them to the licensing worker.

We are still waiting to hear from her regarding the approval to schedule our home inspection.

I hope you all have a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I will post more as I have more news! Thank you all so much for your care and interest in our adoption journey! I hope that all your wishes come true in 2009! I am confident that ours will!

A home for the holidays

There is a special coming up on 12/23/08 on CBS about Foster Adoption. Here is the info:

A Home for the Holidays, THE 10TH ANNUAL A HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS WITH FAITH HILL, a new entertainment special to be broadcast Tuesday, Dec. 23 (8:00-9:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network, will include moving performances by Faith Hill, Melissa Etheridge, Tim McGraw Gavin Rossdale and Jamie Foxx, among others. Kristin Chenoweth, Patricia Heaton, Rene Russo, Martin Short are among the celebrities presenting inspirational stories about adoption.

Following the success of the past nine annual shows, the 10th anniversary special continues to tell touching stories about foster care adoption to raise awareness of this important social issue. The inspirational stories of these American families are enhanced by performances from some of today's most popular artists.

The musical performances frame several story segments which are presented by celebrities who either have their own adoption experiences or are involved with children's issues. The stories highlight many exceptional American children and families involved in this rewarding process.

Will you do me a favor? If you watch this (which I do HIGHLY recomend) please stop by and comment.. tell me what you think, what (if anything) you have learned from it and what your opinions are. I am looking forward to the comments.

Not good news for anyone..

Orange County officials on Wednesday unveiled a series of steep cuts at the Social Services Agency that are aimed at quickly trimming $30 million in salary and services out of this fiscal year's budget.
Budget negotiators informed labor leaders that all 4,218 workers at the Social Services Agency will each be required to take up to 80 hours of unpaid leave over the next six months. In addition, 210 jobs must be cut, as well as 193 vacant positions.
County officials are concerned that the unions will seek a court injunction to stop the mandatory furloughs. But county managers have warned that if labor fights that option, then 625 jobs will be eliminated by Feb. 1.
"It's not a threat, it's a reality," county CEO Tom Mauk said. He said the job cuts have to be implemented quickly because of a decline in state revenues that fund such programs.
According to budget managers, the job cuts should save about $10 million from the current budget. An additional $20 million in service reductions are being considered within the Social Services Agency.
"Ice cold" is how Nick Berardino, head of the Orange County Employees Association – the county's largest union - described the cuts and how they are being handled. "It's heartbreaking," he said, noting that tears were flowing at the union offices. "I can't sleep at night."
Berardino said he plans to press county managers and elected supervisors to feel as much pain as the rank and file.
"There needs to be total oversight and we need to look at every remodel, every new piece of furniture, every trip and meal that has been paid for the last 18 months," he said.
Berardino said he's pressing to have executive management car allowances eliminated, along with calling on all department heads, managers and elected officials to pay for their own pensions. He also wants 401-k plans that are offered to elected officials and managers to be eliminated and is calling on managers to forgo a 5 percent raise planned for early next year.
Mauk said the union will likely find a friendly ear on those suggestions.
"Managers need to step up and show leadership by immediately forgoing any raises at all. And I'm in the process of talking to them right now," Mauk said.
But even implementing all those changes won't make a dent in the shortages expected.
"If you took all of those, do you think they would total $86 million?" Mauk said.
The answer: Not even close.
Mauk is referring to an expected $86 million dip in local revenue during the next fiscal year.
He added that the pain from the state shortfall won't be short-lived. Within the next week, expect to hear plans for similar cuts at the Health Care Agency and Probation.
"The state's budget is in a freefall," said Supervisor Chris Norby. "And these positions are largely funded through the state. If the state doesn't give us the money, it isn't there."
Responding to labor's concerns about the cuts, Norby added, "denial is not a strategy."
Supervisor's Chairman John Moorlach also noted that the cuts currently being seen at the county are simply a reflection of what's happening to the rest of the community and nation.
"The private sector has already made tons of adjustments because of revenue," he said. "Now it's our turn."

I got an e-mail the other day from the lady at Bridge Builders who scheduled all the free, recommended but voluntary classes that they offer to foster to adopt (and adoptive) parents. She said that they will no longer be offering these classes because the funding isn't there to pay for them. My DH and I have taken a couple of these classes and they are (were) a great recourse. It's a shame. From my understanding Social Services is doing everything they can NOT to remove children from their homes, because there is no money to support them once they are in care. This means there are less children waiting for placements, but not because there is less neglect and abuse, it's because they are not removing them from those situations.

An Update

Danny and I went to our "last" interview with the licensing worker this evening. The interview covered nothing new and nothing of true importance in my opinion, but maybe that is just me feeling like a broken record. We covered the same material, answered the same questions and talked about the same issues that we have in ALL of the other interviews. BUT if this is what it takes, if it takes for us to repeat ourselves til' we are blue in the face (we are close) then we of course will do it.

The interview lasted about an hour and we talked more about our personal "habits", our financials, our interest in children, what age/sex and amount of children we want. She said this is information that we would normally go over when she comes out to do our home inspection, but we took care of it now, so it will be one less thing we need to cover when she comes out (I won't hold my breath about that).

So you are probably wondering what happens now, what the meeting today meant and what happens next... right? Me toooooo! hahha, teasing. She said that she is going to take all the paper work she has gathered, all the questions/answers that we covered today and write up a report and submit it to her manager. Her manager will review it (ask more questions if she has any) then give her approval, THEN it has to go up one more level, to HER manager who will do all the same things, and then eventually give her approval (fingers crossed of course that everyone approves it). Once we have the final approval, she (the licensing worker) will give us a call to schedule the home inspection. She will of course tell us what she wants changed in our home at that time. We will have time to "fix" whatever issues there are in our home and she will schedule the next visit to inspect. Once everything passes, she will submit everything to the County/State (I don't really know which one) to issue our license.

Then we are officially on the "waiting list" for a match.

She did tell us that because we are in the middle of all the holidays and she does not know what everyones vacations schedules look like, it could take up to a month to hear from her. She said, she will be there working most of the time she is "only taking one week off" but doesn't know how much time her manager, and her managers manager will be taking.. so she doesn't know how quickly they will get to our file. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. so we wait.

PROGRESS!!

OK, so I talked to the licensing worker today and she said that not only does she have all the paper work that she needs but we scheduled our last interview with her for December 10th. This interview will be with both of us (Danny and I) and she will be asking questions that her superior will want answered. Then she will write up the report and turn it into her superior for approval. Once the approval is issued (however long it takes the superior to review the file) then she will schedule our home inspection FINALLY. Once the home inspection is complete, they will submit our file to the state to issue our license.. then we are officially on the waiting list to be matched with our forever child(ren).

I don't know if you can sense my excitement via this post, but let me just tell you.... I am so excited. I finally feel like Something positive is happening and we are going to be licensed soon!

I will tell you about the interview once it happens.

We adopted...

In years past we have adopted soldiers and sent packages to Iraq. This year, we have adopted a couple of soldiers in Afghanistan. One gentleman that we adopted is in great need. His family has hit a hardship and can not afford to send him the items he needs to get by. Such as Socks, Boxers, hygiene items, and of course hot chocolate. We also adopted a female soldier, who I have started getting to know quite well. She is also in Afghanistan and is a single mother of 2 boys. We have been exchanging e-mails and I have to say I commend her for all her hard work and everything she is doing for our country, all the while, missing all this quality time with her children. We sent both soldiers some necessities, and then some holiday items too. A few people in our community have stepped up to help as well, and they have donated some stockings stuffed with goodies, some food items, hygiene items and then we threw in some holiday decorations too. The most exciting thing we sent, was little homemade Christmas cards from an elementary school classroom. I hope they enjoy them!

We have also adopted local families from our community center in the past and this year, we have adopted a single mother of a 3 year old little girl. She is a victim of Domestic Violence and is trying to make it on her own. Her daughter is in need of clothes and toys and I am so excited to help her out. To help her with a fresh start and a stepping stone at a new life, without violence! I am excited to shop for dolls, and little girl clothes. It just makes me even more anxious to buy our own children Christmas gifts. Our time will come!

This is a tough year for everyone, and we are no exception.. but I can not imagine going a year without giving.

Great News

The licensing worker called yesterday. I missed her call and will call her back today... BUT in the message she left, she said that she has received ALL the paper work that she needs and doesn't need anything else from us! Can you believe that? I know I sure can't! LOL. I totally understand why "they" say Adoption is like a Paper Pregnancy... there is soooooo much paper work. Any way, she mentioned that she wants to schedule an interview with Danny and I and it will take about an hour. I am going to call her today to set that up. I am so thrilled right now. I was starting to feel like this is Never going to happen, and finally a glimpse of hope. Yipeeeee.

Sorry

Sorry, I know it has been a while since I have posted. I have been very busy and have hurt my shoulder pretty bad. (While working out) So it is hard to type. It is in a sling and hopefully healing. Any way, we are going to the voluntary adoption/parenting education class tonight and I will be sure to update you with all that we have learned.

Oh, and we sent in the rest of the information that has been requested from the licensing worker. Apparently things that have already been approved and cleared by the Adoptions Department, have to be re-approved by the licensing department before they will schedule our home inspection (and of course she wanted MORE paperwork). I am going to call her after Thanksgiving to make sure she has everything she needs.

As my Wonderful friend Crystal Said: 2009 will be our year!

November: Adoption Awareness Month

Adoption Month History

The first major effort to promote awareness of the need for adoptive families for children in the foster care system occurred in Massachusetts. In 1976, then-Governor Mike Dukakis proclaimed Adoption Week and the idea grew in popularity and spread throughout the nation. President Gerald Ford made the first National Adoption Week proclamation, and in 1990, the week was expanded to a month due to the number of states participating and the number of events. During the month, states, communities, public and private organizations, businesses, families, and individuals celebrate adoption as a positive way to build families. Across the nation, activities and observances such as recognition dinners, public awareness and recruitment campaigns, and special events spotlight the needs of children who need permanent families. It also includes National Adoption Day, traditionally a Saturday, which is observed in courthouses across the nation as hundreds of adoptions are finalized simultaneously.

Why adopt?

Available children range in age from newborns to adolescents, with many children who are school aged, part of a sibling group, members of ethnic minorities and some children having special developmental, medical, or emotional needs, are especially wishing for permanent families to love them.

* Adopting is a unique way to make a difference to a child or young person’s life
* You will be giving a child or young person the opportunity to belong and be part of a stable family life
* It will be a challenging, rewarding and worthwhile experience
* You will have the pleasure of seeing a child or young person develop confidence in themselves
* You can provide the opportunity to give a child or young person the best possible start in life
* Because you have the strength to do so - to be a good parent.
* Because you have love enough to give, and then some.
* Because you will grow in spirit.
* Because your love and support for a child will help them grow up to be someone very special - anything they want to be in this world - and you will be so very proud as their mom or dad.
* Because they need you just as much as you need them.

Adoption is not about the biological child you can't have, not about wanting children or not having enough children. It's not about the family you could not have because you never married. It is about choices and options.

Adoption is about joining lives together in very special ways. There's an element of fate, and a leap of faith involved. It needs to feel right in your stomach, but give you flutters in your heart. Adoption is not a ready fix for problems you have personally or interpersonally. It will not resolve marital strife nor gain you a spouse/partner if you are single. Adding a child to your life is not cost effective, but priceless. It is not timeless, but time-consuming. It is about unquestionable dedication, endless responsibility, and undying love!

More Classes

We decided to voluntarily take a couple of classes. To pass the time while waiting and of course to be as prepared as possible. The next two classes that we will be attending are:

Thursday November 6th
W.I.S.E. UP! Strengthening the adopted child's coping skills
This program was created to teach children how to talk about adoption and how to respond to all the questions they get asked about adoption. Parents will learn how to Empower their adopted child through WISE UP!

Thursday November 20th
No No No! Diffusing Power Struggles
Many children struggle with 'control issues' - This class will strengthen parenting skills by teaching ways to avoid power struggles. Learn ways to Empower children to gain Mastery so they don't have to fight for control.

I will let you know how they go, and what we learn!

Its that time of year again...

The holidays are here and Danny and I have decided to "Adopt a Family". This time of year can be especially difficult for those families struggling to make ends meet. Gifts and special holiday meals become secondary when bills need to be paid. There are many low income working families in our community that are experiencing financial crises and we want to help make the holiday season brighter by "adopting a family" for the holidays.If you are interested in doing the same...Here is how it works...Fill out an application and fax it to them. They will assign you a family. You can provide a gift for each family member and/or a basket filled with x-mas dinner items. They will give you the names, ages and sex of each person in the family, which will make shopping more fun. Check out the website at http://www.capoc.org/getinvolved/adopt.html

Put a call in...

So I put a call into our Adoptions Worker on Friday. Just to touch base with her and remind her about us. She returned my call this a.m. I let her know where we are at with the licensing department and informed her that they requested additional information and that we provided it. She mentioned that the licensing department is very strict with their set of rules regarding how they do things and what has to be cleared. She said she will call our licensing worker just to chat with her about our file and make sure she doesn't have any concerns. She said, if there are any concerns, since she has gotten to know us, via our file and interviews.. she will try and reassure her about any hesitations.

Any way, she said getting cleared is a lot easier for family and friends of family, but she doesn't see any reason why we wont get licensed. She said that having gone this far and being this close, we just need to wait a bit more and everything should be ok. I am just getting so impatient!!!! LOL. I will keep you updated if we hear anything more.

And it's off...

OK, the packet is in the mail! Just wanted to confirm! Yipeeeee. Now can everyone hope and pray with me that they do not request ANY MORE PAPERWORK from us.. is that possible??? Somehow I doubt it. LOL.

Got the Documents!!

Woooo Hooooo! I can not believe how fast we got the documents we had requested! We have one more that we will be able to pick up this afternoon and then the packet of info will be mailed off tomorrow! Once she gets the packet they will go through the "clearance process" (even though all of this was already done with the adoptions department) and once we get clearance (which we were told can take up to 75 days, grrrrr) then they will schedule our home inspection! I'll keep you posted!

Just wanted to give a little update. We are still gathering the information that was requested! I want to say thank you to those of you who have helped us with the reference letters that are required (for a second time, lol). As soon as we get the last document that we are waiting on.. this stuff will be on its way. I will let you know when that happens.

More Info Needed

The licensing worker called us back and of course needs more information before we can proceed. It seems never ending. But we will keep our head up and do as they ask.. some day we will actually be able to say we are licensed.. lol.

I have most of what they are asking for, since most of it was already provided to the Adoptions Department. I will make copies and get that all together and take care of the other couple of things that we don't already have... once that is done we will send it in.. and wait...

We were told they will not be scheduling the home inspection until about 70 days after this paperwork is turned in. Why, you ask? Great question.. I wish some of the things we were told made sense... but what can you do? We are working with the State after all!

I called the Licensing worker back, and left her a message. We are waiting to hear back from her and of course waiting for the letter in the mail explaining what she is needing from us. No news yet.

The Licensing Social Worker

She finally called - hahaa, I say finally and we only turned in the paper work 2 weeks ago (she had 30 days) I am so impatient! Any way, I missed her call. She left a message last night while we were at dinner (celebrating our anniversary). She did mention that there are a few documents that she still needs (OF COURSE) and that she put a letter in the mail to us explaining it all. But of course, I do not want to wait for the letter - and I want to introduce myself to her, so I will give her a call back this afternoon.

Once I get the details, I will share them with you. Stay tuned!

An Amazing Story

I wasn't sure whether or not i wanted to repost this story. It's very heartbreaking though it does have a happy ending.

These foster parenting classes are hard to go through. You learn things that these children are having to go through that no child should have to. However, I decided that I would repost it and I would also say that there is a huge need for foster parents everywhere. If it is on your heart at all to be a foster parent I would urge you to follow through with it.

This story is a great example of what LOVE can do for a child.

Here is the link

http://tampabay.com/features/humaninterest/article750838.ece

National Adoption Day

National Adoption Day will be Saturday, November 15, 2008.

ABOUT NATIONAL ADOPTION DAY - National Adoption Day is designed to raise awareness of the 129,000 children in foster care waiting to find permanent, loving families. On National Adoption Day courts, judges, attorneys, adoption professionals, child welfare agencies and advocates work together to finalize adoptions and find permanent, loving homes for children in foster care. More than 300 events are held each year throughout the country in all fifty states. More than 20,000 children have been adopted from foster care on National Adoption Day over the last eight years.

National Adoption Day 2008 – Goals
* Finalize adoptions from foster care in all 50 states
* Celebrate and honor families who adopt
* Raise awareness about the 129,000 children in
foster care waiting for adoption
* Encourage others to adopt children from foster care
* Build collaboration among local adoption agencies, courts and
advocacy organizations

All information provided is from http://www.nationaladoptionday.org/2008/index.asp
The site also lists local events, by state.

The class

In case you are wondering and waiting to hear how the class went... we didn't go. Danny came down with an awful cold and was feeling pretty crappy, so we stayed home and relaxed. We were both looking forward to learning from this class, and we look forward to the next opportunity to attend. I'll keep you updated on future classes.

p.s. Danny is still feeling crappy, but he is getting better.

Application turned in...

We had our appointment today to turn in our application and get our final fingerprinting done. Everything went so smooth. She checked everything off that was supposed to be there and said, "ok, it looks like everything is good to go". Now we wait for them to assign us our Foster Care licensing worker. She will contact us within 30 days to schedule the home visit. They will come out and inspect our home to make sure it is safe for children, as well as have us fill out MORE paperwork. Once everything is approved she will issue our license. Then we are turned back over to our adoptions worker who will then come and visit our home, then the matching process begins.

Can this be real? Can we possibly be getting close to becoming the family we dream about?

Scheduled the date....

Ok, so we scheduled our appointment to turn in the Foster Care Application and do our Finger Printing for Wednesday Sept 17th! Yay! That means that we should be licensed NO LATER than December 19th.... Yipeeeeeeeee!

We have decided to take an optional class to pass the time and be more educated on situations that may arise.
The class is this Thursday the 18th.
“Being Adopted: A Window into our Children”
Do you ever wonder what lives inside an adopted person's mind when thinking about their adoption? This evening will provide us the opportunity of exploring the adoptees life perspectives through readings, poetry and art and to create meaningful responses to their life views

I am back. I had a fantastic weekend away with the girls, at Apples Bed and Breakfast in Big Bear Lake. When I got back, we spent the evening (Monday) completing the application and copying all the necessary documents. I am going to call tomorrow to set up the appointment to get finger printed (again) and turn in the application. I will let you know as soon as we have a date.

On the Move

We went to the Foster Care Work Shop last night. Basically what that was, is time for them to explain to you how to complete the Foster Care Application. They also answered a few questions for people about the medical / dental insurance for the children, while they are foster kids. We have to get finger printed and have a background clearance (again) because it is in a different department. We have to complete, yet again, another application (all the same information as the adoption stuff) and provide health clearance.. luckily, most of this stuff has already been provided to the adoptions department, and I made copies, so we can just pull those copies and put them with the application.

Once we get all the requested information and the application completed, we can call to schedule an appointment to turn in the app and get finger printed. Once this is done, (the day we turn in the app) the state has 90 days to get us licensed. I am so glad the state puts a time frame on that. The Social Workers HAVE to have everything complete and our licensed processed within 90 days!!

So, I will be gone this weekend. When I get back, we will work together to complete the application and get it turned in. We still have to complete the first aid course, but that does not have to be done before the licensed is issued.. just before the children can be placed in our home (we will get it done right away).

What does this mean? This means that if we turn in the application (lets just say) Sept 22nd then we will be licensed NO later than December 21st.

I will keep you posted and let you know when the application has been officially turned in.

Some progress made

We got a call from the SW today. Yay, some good news. We have been approved for licensing. this is a big step. We were told that her supervisor has reviewed our file and agrees that we are "fit" to adopt. She gave us the referral to the Foster Care Licensing department and then called me today to let me know. I asked her what we should expect next and she told me that we will need to call to sign up for the Foster Care Workshop. So I called as soon as I got off the phone with her and luckily, I was just in time. I was able to sign us up for the workshop that is tomorrow (next one is in two weeks). I will update after we go tomorrow and let you know what the next step is and when we should expect more progress. Yay, I am so excited!!!

"If He's placed a desire in you ....He will fulfill it. Weather it's a child conceived or a child received, in His time it will happen."

Out of the office - AGAIN

So, I called on Monday (25th) to make sure that our SW received the paper work that was mailed to her last week. She was not available, so I left a message. I called again yesterday (27th) and her voice mail now say's she is out of the office until Sept 9th... so we wait... and wait some more.

A Great Adoption Story

I figure since we don't have any new exciting news for you yet.. I would share this...

I always talk about my support group - Cafemom.com and today I read a really neat story on there that I just had to share! Here is her story:

As we were the final family to be called into the judge's chambers yesterday to finalize our adoption, we watched as each of the other five families were called back (one by one) before us. The first family truly made my heart burst with emotion.
It was a large group of about eight adults and no less than five children. Several of the children were of differing races so I think it's be a safe bet to say that this was probably a foster family with children from many different homes- maybe some siblings, but probably not all.
When the attorney call this family's name, a young African American boy of about 11 or so stood up immediately, turned and looked back at the rest of his group, and then headed toward the chambers with the biggest, most beautiful smile I have ever seen. This young man was ready to make this his forever family. And he was so excited, so happy. It just radiated from him! The rest of the family followed behind noisily- lol. This boy never said a word as he headed to the front of the courtroom, but that smile said it all for everyone else in that courtroom.
As the chamber doors were closed behind this first adoptive group, I finally cried. THIS is what fost-adoption is about. THIS is why I love being a foster parent and why we chose to adopt a child from the system. At about 11 years of age, that young boy was aware of whatever he had endured in his biological home. He had been through whatever "the system" had put him through in the name of his best interest. And all he wanted was a safe, happy, relatively normal (LOL) forever family. He had found that and making it official couldn't happen fast enough. Wow.
After about fifteen or twenty minutes, the doors to the judge's chambers opened and out came the newly added-to family. This young black man walked out beside his "new", white dad- still sporting that incredible grin. The dad put his hands around the boy's neck and said, "Well, son...." It was incredible.
Then they took a photo to commemorate the event right there in the front of the courtroom. This preteen, newly adopted young man kissed his new daddy....right on the top of dad's head in the middle of his bald spot.
That's a moment in time I will never, ever forget!

By Carla Raley, published Aug 26, 2008

Most of the time, when people think of adoption, they think of a new, sweet baby that they will bring home from the hospital. But with the cost of private adoptions soaring until they are out of reach of the average family, more people are looking towards foster adoption with the state.It's the rare child, though, that is adoptable from birth through the state. The birth parents usually have their child removed from them for good cause, and then they have a year or just more, depending on the state, to work the plan the state lays out to have their child returned to them. Once the parental rights are terminated, there is also an appeal period before the child is released for adoption. Here in Texas, that appeal period is 90 days. If you are a foster parent, as well as an adoptive parent, then you have a good chance of having a child in your home from the very beginning, but there are many, many children who become wards of the state as older children. They are needy, hurting, vulnerable children who need forever homes just as much as a newborn infant, but some are not as likely to find them as quickly as a newborn is. A look at the state websites for children eligible for adoption (adoptuskids.org is one) will reveal thousands of children in need of homes. Most of the children on these websites are the harder to place children, because the healthy young ones are usually adopted by their foster parents, or there are already homes lined up to take them before they ever have a chance to be put on these sites.

Adopting an older child is different from adopting an infant, and has a unique set of challenges to it. Most of the time, these older children have lived at least part of their lives with their birth parents, and no matter whether they are treated well, or very, very badly, they have formed the bond that ALL children form with their parents, and will carry the lifelong trauma of being parted from them. This can be very hard for the new family to understand. They have sometimes waited many years to adopt, and they love the child and want nothing more than to give that child a wonderful happy life. They can't understand why the child does not respond to that love and desire, and put the past behind them, and be happy in the present and future.But if an older, adopted child is not allowed to release and verbalize their grief at losing their first family, they will internalize it, and it can make the child mentally unhealthy. The new family needs to understand that this is important, before they take on the challenge of this older child. They need to understand it as it is, and not be threatened by it. The fact that there were parents that are remembered before the new parents is the child's truth. If the new parents can understand that, and meet the need of the child in allowing them to grieve, then the bond between the newly adopted child and new parents will grow stronger, and the adoptive parents will have done much in helping the child grow up mentally strong and healthy, which is one of the goals of parenting.Sometimes the older child will talk about their 'real' family, and say their adopted family is not real. An adopted child in our own family did this once, when her full sibling birth brother came to live with us. She said he was her 'real' brother, and the rest of the boys in the family were not. I explained to her on her four year old level, that we were all 'real' and that none of us were made out of silly putty. I told her that families were made in many ways, and that her birth brother had more than one way of being her brother, because he had the same set of parents, and also, he had the same set of adoptive parents, and he was her real brother both ways. I told her the other five boys in our family were her brothers by adoption, so they were brothers to her one way and they were real too. I reminded her that she also has two half brothers that did not live with us, and those half brothers were also real. All these many boys were brothers to her in different ways, and all those brothers were real brothers. No one was silly putty. We were real people, related to her in real ways. She enjoyed that explanation very much, and she has never questioned it.

There are many terms that are popular to use when talking to adopted children. One is to tell them that their birth parents loved them so much, that they gave them up. That explanation can cause distress in the child, because how do they know that you will not someday love them enough to give them up too?Another is to tell them they by being adopted, they were 'chosen' or picked out specially, and that other people who give birth have to just take whatever they get. I believe that explanation is faulty, too. Obviously, someone gave birth to this child too, and either choose not to keep them, for whatever reason, or they had them taken from them because of the life they chose to live. Someday, the child may well link those ideas. Also, every child is special, no matter how they come into a family, and I believe it's wrong to lead a child to believe differently. It may cause a playground battle someday, when the adopted child tells a birth child that they themselves were 'chosen' while the parents of the birth child had to take what they got. The birth child may know something about adoption, and may throw it back at the 'chosen' child that someone, somewhere, gave them up. A child should be raised to consider everyone of worth; rather they are in their family by birth or adoption. An adopted child, especially one adopted from the foster care system, should be told as much information in age appropriate portions as you know. The older they get, the more they should be told, until by the age of 12, they have all their information. That way, they do not have to digest any new information during the unsettled teen years, while they are trying to pull away from their parents and become an adult. All information should be given truthfully. You should not make it better than it is, or worse than it is. It's just the facts of their life, and not their fault. You should never say anything bad of your own opinion about their birth parents, as a child will always associate their self worth with the people who's DNA they share. Tell the story, the true story, and maybe use it as a starting point to teach the child how to make the right choices as they grow up.

Try and reassure the child as they grow up, that if they want to meet their birth parents again some day, you will be right there beside them, so they will not feel like they are disloyal to you in the desire to do this. Try not to feel threatened by this desire, it's natural, and if you have been a good parent, it is unlikely to cause the child to love you any less, in fact, they just may love you more, because this is yet another way you have loved them, supported them, and helped them in their lives. Your support will be invaluable to them, whether the reunion goes well or not. They will know that you are always there in good times or bad times to lean on.Adoption of the older child is not for the faint of heart, but it is a worthy, fulfilling thing to do!

In the Mail

Ok, so the last document (hopefully the last) was sent today, to the Social Worker.. Hopefully this will be the last thing she will need and she can get her supervisor to sign off on the file and send it over to licensing.. Then we will get a date scheduled for them to come out and inspect our home.

We did find out that we do have another class we have to take and that is a First Aid class.. I will get that scheduled soon.

More Info Needed

Grrrrrr. So after all this time, the Social Worker finally called us back and told his that she still has not submitted our paperwork to licensing, because she needs an additional document. The "final" paperwork was sent to her about 4 weeks ago, and after 2 phone calls, she finally calls me back to tell me this? Geeeeeesh. Ok now I am really bummed cause I thought that we would already be about done with the 6 week licensing part, and we haven't even gotten our appointment for it yet. Well, we are waiting for that final document, and I am guessing it will take about a week to get. Then we have to send it to her and once again wait for her to refer our file to licensing ( which is when they are supposed to come out and inspect our home). Just wanted to give the update, and well, I guess vent a little.

I will let you know if/when the next thing happens.

Something I came across & wanted to share

"Wherever You Are"

Little child, wherever you are,

there's something you should know.

Someone out there loves you and wants to watch you grow.

For though we haven't met and I have never seen your face,

I long for the day I see you smile and feel your warm embrace.

You may be kneeling down to pray for a place you can call home,

or maybe somewhere crying feeling sad and all alone.

No matter where you are right now, just try hard to be strong.

For someday soon you'll be with me, in my arms where you belong.

I may never carry you in my womb, but I carry you in my heart.

And when we finally find each other, we'll never be apart.

Until the day has come when all these things shall come to be,

I'll be dreaming of you every day, and I hope you dream of me.

Progress on the room

We are getting so excited. I especially can't wait to find out if we are getting boy(s) girl(s) or one of each so I can decorate the room accordingly.



Currently, we are just waiting for our referral from the Social Worker to Licensing so we can begine the home inspection. I'll update, of course, as soon as we hear something.

Comments

First off, I would like to say thank you so much to all of you who read our blog and follow our journey through Foster Care and adoption. As you all know, we have had a long road of decision making and soul searching to get to where we are today in the process. We have done a LOT of research, Networking, Studying and Educating ourselves with all the different avenues of adoption.

The purpose of our blog, ONCE AGAIN, is for friends and family to follow our journey. Simply put, it is hard to call everyone and update everyone with every single change that happens. This blog is to give everyone access into our lives, into our journey, our path to becoming a family. We most certainly could put this blog on private so that only admitted people can read it and comment. We chose not to do that. We choose to open our story to any one and everyone who is interested in following it. Everyone, of course, has their own story, their own experiences, good and bad. But please understand one thing. This is OUR story. This is OUR Journey. We would love to hear your stories, comments, and opinions as long as they are proactive and positive. If you have a negative story that you, in some way think can help us get through our journey a little easier, or some advice that you can give us to help with the transition for the children we are open to it.. as long as there is nothing hateful.

Therefore, we have decided to moderate the comments. you can say whatever you choose. But please understand that I will not post anything that is so negative and hateful that it will cause and e-mail/blog war on what is supposed to be a happy and exciting time for us.

Not Much Yet...

Not much has happened since the last post.. but I gave a little update and explanation of where were are at right now to my cousin, and thought maybe I should share the same info with you...

When we finish the last stage (the licensing part) which will be about 6-7 weeks from now, hopefully... we will officially go on the waiting list. When our social workers has a child(ren) that she thinks would be a good match for our family she will call us and tell us minor details about the child(ren) if we are interested we go in for a match meeting. That is where they give us all the details about the child(ren). If we agree, then our file is presented to the child(rens) social worker and she will choose between us and whoever else was presented. If we are chosen, we get them placed with us. At that point they will be our foster children (with intentions of adoption) until the birth parents rights have been officially terminated. (The social worker believes that the parents will not get them back which is why they are looking for an adoptive placement, but there is the chance that they will). Once the rights have been terminated, we will begin the adoption process.

We hope you all had a fantastic holiday weekend!

These are the adorable little ones that enjoyed our backyard

for the fourth this year...

Hopefully next year we will be able to

add our child(ren) to the group.

Finished with Classes

We had our second half of the Bridge Builder classes today and this is what we covered:

Class 5 - Creating Positive Attachments #2

Class 6 - Parenting the Abused and Neglected Child

Class 7 - Parenting the Substance Exposed Child

The classes were very informative. I think the biggest thing that I left there understanding a bit better is that I have grown up thinking that I can, and will, raise my (our) children with the knowledge that my parents have given me as parents. I would use my experiences as a child/youth/adult as a way to guide my child(ren) through their life experiences. What I now understand better is that the child(ren) that we raise as our own, not only that have been adopted, but especially the children that have been through the foster care system due to neglect and abuse will have to be raised with a completely different structure. We as parents will have to be aware of different issues and feelings that a biological child would not experience. There will be more "reason" behind their behaviors than we may understand at first and it will be our job as adoptive parents to look deeper into the meaning behind these behaviors.

In these classes we were taught different ways to go about understanding the behaviors and feelings of our future child(ren) and were given an amazing amount of resources to help us along the way. These children will need an extra special touch of love and patience in their lives and it will be our job to give that to them. Unconditionally!

Kristi's Interview

My individual Interview went really well. It did actually end up being about 2 1/2 hours as well.. but that was more my fault than anything. Once she was done interviewing me she asked if I had any questions... and that's when I unloaded on her, lol. She was wonderful and answered every question I had, and was very thorough.

I am excited with the progress that we are making. She told me we have a few more things we need to turn in and once we get those in, she will send us the referral for licensing. The licensing process takes on average, about 6 weeks. This part includes the licensing department coming and out inspecting our home for all the safety issues. Once that is complete and she gets clearance, she will come out and visit our home and observe the "feeling" of the home. Then she will write up and turn in the homestudy for approval. Once all of that is complete, we will wait for a match/placement.

Bridge Builder Class (1)

We had our first Bridge Builder class on Saturday June 21st. It went well and we learned a lot of great information. These are the topics we covered,

Becoming an Adoptive Parent of Children with Extra Needs
Lifelong Issues in Adoption
Special Needs Child Development
Creating Positive Attachments # 1

We also learned about all of the amazing resources that we have available to us through the county as far as kids camps and therapists and family counseling etc. It is all provided for us since we are adopting through the County.

Here is a link (for those of you adopting) to some really great books. http://www.tapestrybooks.com/Default.asp?c=222622

Here is a book that is recommended for EVERY Parent. (Parenting with Love and Logic)
http://www.tapestrybooks.com/product.asp?pID=149&cID=259

Danny's Interview

Danny's interview with the Social Worker went well. His interview lasted 2 1/2 hours. I guess he had a lot to talk about, lol. He said they just discussed everything there is to know about him from the time he was born until now. His home life as a child and now, his love life, his job etc...

We are going in today to get our TB tests and have our Bridge Builder Class tomorrow. I'll update you soon.

Another piece...

We got another new piece of furniture for the room. A VERY nice person saw our new furniture listed on the blog (previous post) and has an armoire that she is selling us for a very reasonable price. I am so excited. It matches the furniture so well.. I can't wait to pick it up. Here is a picture of it. (It's New) Thank you Natalia!

Schedule...

June 19 - Danny's Individual Interview with Social Worker
June 21 - Bridge Builder Class
June 23 - Physicals for Medical Clearance
June 24 - Kristi's Individual Interview with Social Worker
June 28 - Last Bridge Builder Class

Reference Letters have been sent/received
Pending return to Social Worker
(THANK YOU so much to those of you who are filling those out!)

Employment Verification has been requested.

We are moving along!

Classes Scheduled

We have officially been registered to take the Bridge Builder Classes. The next (7) week night course doesn't begin again until mid August and end in September, so we decided to take the two Saturday classes (which are from 9am - 5pm). We will be done June 28th. Yay!

We still have our individual interviews scheduled as well as our physicals for clearance. We are moving along!

I am sorry...

First of all, I would like to say that this blog was created as a way to share the positive experiences that we are going through with our adoption process. It is open for any one and everyone to read and comment. One of my fellow bloggers/cafemom friends accidentally came across a blog that was hurtful and disrespectful to those who have chosen adoption. It was my decision to share her opinion and feelings regarding this blog and I have received a few responses back for posting it. I want to touch base regarding these comments. I apologize here, for everyone to see, if I made someone feel as if I was "Making light of the most painful and traumatic thing in someone Else’s life". by wearing this T-Shirt. The comments I have received, I think are just as judgemental. I have been told to "do my research" and read blogs of birth mothers... Who is to say that I haven't. I have the utmost respect for those women who carry a baby for 9 months and still make the decision to do what is best for their baby; the women who chose the right family to raise their child because for whatever their reason is, they cannot. I was told, "I am sorry you are infertile". I am NOT infertile. Adoption is OUR CHOICE. We want to give a child a loving home because for whatever the reason is, weather they are coming right from the birth mother, or from child services... the place they are at now is not the best place for them.. It is not our decision to put this child in the place that is it in, It is our decision to adopt this child and give it the best, most loving, and safe home possible. It is our decision to love this child as if it were our own.

Please feel free to read our blog, and follow our story.. and understand that in no way am I trying to offend any one by wearing this T-Shirt.. however, I am VERY proud that we are adopting and I have nothing to be ashamed of. I feel that if I had to walk on egg shells every day, and not show my excitement, because it might offend someone who is having a bad day.. then I might as well stay in my room every day, because there is always someone having a worse day than the next person.

I truly hope that those women out there that are hurting so much find a way to heal.
Here is another shirt that I like...

Our Next Appointments

We got the call from the Social Worker, YAY! Danny's individual interview is June 19th and my individual interview is June 24th. (I would call them individual interrogations, lol). I will let you know how they go.

Perfect Words...

Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, you didn`t grow under my heart, but in it.

He who set the stars in space came by this way today.He left a tiny bundle within our hearts to stay.He brought to us a miracle and from the very start.He gave us love unspeakable, boundless love within our hearts.What began as only two of us for all the world to see.By the miracle of adoption, we became a family.

Our Daughter/Son...Before you were conceived, we wanted you.Before you were born, we loved you.Before you were here an hour, we would die for you.This is the miracle of life.
Deliver Me Our delivery room was in chambers. A judge signed his name and our name was yours, Not as messy as a hospital room, But no nine-months warning: suddenly you Were among us and one of us and we Were with and for you. And we love you For the same reason any parent loves a child-- Because God gave you to us, us to you. ~Norman Styers

I didn`t give you the gift of life, But in my heart I know. The love I feel is deep and real, As if it had been so. For us to have each other Is like a dream come true! No, I didn`t give you The gift of life, Life gave me the gift of you.

We waited for you against all hope. We came for you with the greatest of hopes.

Adoption is when a child grew in its mommy`s heart instead of her tummy.

I am in a group (online) with other foster to adopt parents.... and one of the wonderful ladies in the group, posted this and I wanted to share it.

"I saw a shirt that says "Adoption is the new pregnant" and I thought it was cute. I went online to see if I could find it, and when I googled it, I found all these websites saying how insulting it was to procreating women everywhere, how it demeaned people who could have babies and one person actually said (are you ready for this one?):"They can take our babies, but they can't take the experience of conception, gestation and childbirth, so they decide to re-define something so elemental and natural that it shouldn't be messed with, at all, to fit the fantasy world of "as if born to."The smugly smiling model wearing this abomination of a message tee shirt can grin all she likes. I still don't see a baby bump. I don't see that glow and the hand on the protruding belly as the baby moves inside. I don't see Dad and older sibs with their ears and hands on Mom's pregnant belly, joining in the natural family experience. I don't see a damn thing about any of it that is real. I sang and talked to my babies while I carried them inside me. Do the pre-adopters sing a tee shirt lullabye?" (http://motherhooddeleted.blogspot.com/2008/04/from-ridiculous-to-sublime.html for those who want to comment...)

Now, at this point, I was livid. For someone who will NEVER KNOW the joy of feeling a baby growing inside me, that was just downright insensitive and mean. I skipped over to another website and found other comments about adoption in general, like the following:"Most adopters are NEEDY ADULTS who have not learned to inner parent.""I don’t think there is any ethical way to adopt a newborn. Certainly there is no ethical way to adopt a baby targeted before birth."And on and on and on. One woman actually quoted Job 24:9, about snatching a fatherless child from a woman's breast, and used it as an argument saying that God is against adoption. That page had arguments on both sides, but from my perspective, it was overwhelmingly in favor of the non-adopters. That site is http://aislin13.wordpress.com/2008/04/01/adoption-is-the-new-pregnant/, by the way.

Now, I know that these are people with strong opinions, and I know a lot of people on this board have strong opinions, and what makes this a great society is the right of everyone to have an opinion whether it's sensible to us as individuals or not."

So any way, I wanted to share that. Honestly, I am not sure why I wanted to share it.. But I just thought it was quite interesting. Here is my opinion:

Adoption is MY way of being pregnant and I LOVE the T-shirt. I think its adorable and I am enjoying it to the fullest!

Shopping Already...

We are still waiting for the SW to call us to schedule the first individual interview. I am actually tired of waiting and will probably call her Monday morning to see if we can set a date...

In the mean time, I have been keeping my eye out for a good deal on kids furniture on Craigs list and I came across these two matching beds that are the 3 in 1 beds that go from a crib to a toddler bed to a childs day bed. Since we are open to a sibling set under the age of 5, we could possibly get an infant and a toddler or a 2 and 4 year old etc... either way the beds will work.. We got an amazing deal on them.

Just Added.... (giggles)

Bridge Builder Classes

So, we missed the series of classes that started in May and ends June 30th.. so we have to wait for this series to end and we will start the next one, which should be the 1st week of July. This is what the classes will cover...

Class 1 - Becoming an Adoptive Parent of Children with Extra Needs
Class 2 - Lifelong Issues in Adoption
Class 3 - Special Needs Child Development
Class 4 - Creating Positive Attachments # 1
Class 5 - Creating Positive Attachments #2
Class 6 - Parenting the Abused and Neglected Child
Class 7 - Parenting the Substance Exposed Child

Of course I will keep you updated on what we learn, just like I did with the PRIDE classes. From my understanding.. these are the last set of classes we will be required to take to complete the homestudy and get approved for our Foster Care Licence.