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Now that we are pregnant we have an entire new journey to begin. This blog will no longer be updated, but is simply here to tell our story. For future updates, please view our new blog http://thebuckleyjourney.blogspot.com/

YAY!

We are pregnant! Exactly two weeks after the IUI procedure I took a home pregnancy test and it came back positive, immediately! I just wanted to share with everyone who has been so supportive and patient with us in this VERY long journey! YAY!

I took a blood test for confirmation yesterday, will have those results back on Friday (but I have no doubts). My first prenatal visit with the dr is in 2 weeks. If I am calculating correctly my due date will be about May 5th.. We shall see what the Dr sais.

IUI Completed

I know it has been a while since I have updated and I am sorry. I just wanted to share with everyone that our first IUI (Inner Uterine Insemination) was done on Wed July 29th. We will find out in about 2 weeks if it took (if we are pregnant) Fingers are crossed!! Of course I will post and let you all know one way or the other!

Thank you again for the continued support!

1st IUI Procedure planned

The exam went well.. the Dr will have me take a low dose of fertility medication to increase the chances of conception. We will be scheduling the 1st IUI procedure for July (some time around the 3rd week). I will let you know how it goes.

1st appointment

My first appoitnment for the general exam with the Dr. is set for June 22nd.

Privacy

I want to thank everyone who has been so supportive in this long long journey to become parents. We have had many road blocks and many changes in paths, but some of you (you know who you are) have been so great and so supportive no matter what our decision has been.

Having said that, I am hoping everyone will understand and be just as supportive when I ask for a bit more privacy during this new journey. We will gladly share the special moments with you all, especially when this procedure works and we become pregnant, but we have decided to keep some of the more intimate details between us.

We do ask that you continue to check in. There may be less posting, but the important stuff will be here. It would be great if you could continue to come here for updates and news rather than it be the topic of all conversations!

Thank you again, for your support and understanding.

What the plan is....

I know some of you are anxiously waiting to hear all about how the appointment went today with the sperm bank. We didn't learn too much more than what I had already read about and researched, which was no surprise to me. Basically the break down of what our plan is, is that we now need to choose our donor, then we do the insemination when the "time" is right.

I need to make an appointment with our doctor and start all the wonderful testing to get ready for insemination. I am not quite sure if the insemination will happen in June or July, but it will happen very soon.

Statistics:
If a couple is actively trying to conceive, they have a 20% chance of conception for each attempt. With artificial insemination it is brought down to about a 9% chance. Therefore the Dr will put me on very mild fertility drugs just to increase the chances of conception when doing the IUI procedure. These drugs will increase our chances to about 14% each attempt. We were told to expect between 6-9 attempts. That means, 6-9 months of trying each month. Our bank account is hoping it works a lot sooner of course!
These fertility drugs do increase the chances of twins, but not to greatly, being that I will be taking such a low dose.

I'll let you know when the next step is taken!

We have our appointment rescheduled for Tuesday June 2nd at 3pm. I will update you all with the info we receive.

Appointment Rescheduled

The Dr was not able to make the appoinment today. There are three offices and apparently he was stuck at the San Diego office. I will call tomorrow to reschedule.

Next Appointment

We have our consultation appointment with the Sperm Bank on Wed the 20th at 4pm. This appointment will be to get acquainted with the sperm bank that we have chosen to use. They will explain to us how everything works and how we choose the donor. I'll let ya know how it goes!

Had the Consult

So we had our consultation today with the Infertility Dr. We both really liked him and felt very comfortable. The first thing he said to us as he walked in the room was... I bet you can't wait to hear that noise in your own room! He was referring to the babies heart monitor that was attached to the pregnant woman in the room next to us. Wow, what a neat sound that was.

So we have decided to move forward with the artificial insemination. It looks like at this point we need to choose a donor and make an appointment for the procedure. It could all happen within the next two months. We were told that when a couple is trying to conceive you have about a 20% chance of conception on each try. With the procedure we will be doing, we will have about a 14% chance each try. So it might take a couple of attempts, a couple of months of trying. Our fingers (and bank account) are crossed that it works on one of the first tries.

We are still waiting on our appeal date to go in front of the judge for the adoption. We still want our Foster Care license and we still want to adopt. If (WHEN) the procedure works, it will just put the adoption on the back burner for the time being.

Rescheduled

We had to reschedule our appointment for the consultaion. Well we cancelled the one we had and I need to call today to make a new appointment. So no news yet.

New News

Nope still no news from the County/ State on the appeal. We sent in the appeal request in February and are patiently waiting (that's me being sarcastic) for the state to get their heads out of their tooshes and issue a court date.

However in the mean time, we have decided to give Artificial insemination a try. We have an appointment with the Dr. for a consultation on May 11th to find out more details. I will update you as soon as I have more information.

Thanks again for all of your continuing support in our journey to become a family.

Selling the furniture

Well, it looks like my brother in law needs a place to live and we could use the extra money, so we have offered for him to move in and rent a room from us. Right now, we have a guest room/office and what was supposed to be the "kids" room. We have had the room furnished and waiting for over a year now and are still not licensed. Although I am trying to stay positive and hope we get our appeal date soon... nothing is happening right now. We have been talking more about the artificial insemination, and even if we do go that rout, we will still be waiting for our appeal, since adoption is what I really want after all....

Any way, since we are going to have my brother inlaw move in, we have decided to keep our guest room (for my parents when they visit) and clean out the "kids" room. Rather than store all the furniture, we have agreed to sell it and he promised that when we do get/have children I would get the color/bedroom set I always wanted (we bought our stuff off craigslist)... so back on craigslit it goes.

I have to admit, its hard! Its hard for me to even take it down or put the pictures up.. because in a small way, I feel like I am giving up. I know we are not giving up... I don't know, maybe it will make it easier. When I walk down my hall I will not see the empty room... with the children's furniture in there - just waiting..
Who am I kidding!?!

Foster Care

I have mentioned before that I am in a group, on Cafemom.com that offers support and advice etc.. a lady who I have come to truly admire and look up to posted this the other day and I thought her words were so encouraging and Right On.. that I wanted to share her post with you!
It is long, but trust me.. so worth reading!!!

There was a recent post in group where a family just couldn't deal with the foster system and reconsidered doing foster care. They were asking that their foster child be placed in another home because they just couldn't take the heartache. Instead of hijacking that thread, I am just going to post my own experience here. I haven't been posting much lately........not because there isn't a lot going on here in the house........but because I just haven't had much to contribute. I do read other posts, but by the time I get to them, there are numerous replies that already stated my opinion and I don't want to be some sort of parrot. :)
Okay, we started foster care to foster only. No intention of adopting whatsoever. We wanted short term placements and had this Pollyanna ideal of what we were going to do. I look back at how I viewed foster care and I cringe at how warped my vision was.
We took Chet (aka "Punky") nearly two years ago and my world turned upside down. I wrote journal after journal about what I felt needed to happen, what I thought was wrong with the system, what I wanted everyone involved to do. And then...........at some point in time I began to see this situation through his eyes. What a confusing, frightening and unstable world it was. It wasn't about ME. It wasn't about what I thought or felt or wanted. Even if I was right. :) It was about providing for this boy for as long as he was in my care.
So, long story short........I learned that foster care was NOT what I thought it would be. I learned that my pollyanna ideal was indeed that.....completely unrealistic. And I learned that I was not going to be able to do foster care without falling totally and completely in love with the little people I took into my home. So, through lots of hope and love and fears and joy and sorrow...........and a whole lot of growing on my part..........I went through a year and a half of "the system" and ended up adopting my wonderful son. He is such a blessing. I still get notes and e-mails from people who ask about Chet and want updates on him. I hope that in some small way I was able to encourage others to go into foster care. That said, I had NO intention of taking any more foster kids that were not school age. My theory was that if they were school age, then I would not be that primary bond......that mommy-baby bond would have been formed with someone else and I could survive an older kid going back home. I have not been able to test that theory..........which is probably wrong anyway. :)
I agreed to take Liya at Thanksgiving. Mom was in jail and due to be out the end of January or first part of February. She is NA (Native American) and so the case worker assured me that this would be a short term thing. "Three months, tops" is what she said. Mom was very motivated to work the plan and was going to do several of the steps while in jail. (Evaluations, counseling.....blah blah) and if, for some reason mom took longer.........then the tribe would step in and take little LIya. So I broke my own rule and took a little 9 month old baby into my house.
February came. Mom was going to get out of jail, but had refused to do any of the stuff she said she would. She refused to see the counselor, she refused to have the evaluations done. She totally refused to cooperate with HHS in any way. Mom was released from jail 3 days before the court hearing for Liya, and didn't attend it. She has had no contact with HHS, has not requested any visitations and has not seen Liya since four days after removal. So much for "highly motivated."
The "Tribe" refuses to get involved because mom isn't registered with them. So until Mom's rights are terminated or relinquished...........and Liya can be considered an "orphan" they won't take her. And we all know that the parental rights won't be dissolved until Liya has been in the system for 15 out of 22 months. And then even after that time passes, we have to wait our turn for the state to file.......and that can take several more months.
I wrote a frantic e-mail to a wonderful lady (you know who you are!) stating that I was falling so deeply in love with this baby..........and that another year or two in my home that ended in her being ripped out would surely kill me. We had shared first Christmas, first steps, first words, and a quickly approaching first birthday. She was calling me "mama" because the other kids did. We were getting bonded, and I was not willing to be hurt so deeply. Perhaps I should ask for her to be removed since this was not expected to end well? Perhaps it would be okay to spare my own feelings? I mean, the HHS worker "guaranteed" this was a short placement of three months............Why should I be torn apart, right??
Guess what? I was very gently reminded that this isn't about me. She didn't give my permission to spare my own feelings. I went through a few weeks where I just cried and wrestled with my feelings. I prayed about it, and at one point had told the caseworker she may have to move Liya. I bet you that I have read the reply to my frantically sent e-mail 100 times. And it gave me strength...........it put things back into perspective. I was able to see past the threat of my own broken heart. And I called back the caseworker and told her Liya has a home here for as long as she needs it.
Liya needs someone to love her TODAY. I can do that. She needs someone to make her feel valued and worthy and special TODAY. I can do that, too. She needs someone to hold her, care for her, comfort her, guide her and discipline her TODAY. I can do that. Liya needs to feel safe and secure enough to grow emotionally. She needs to know what trust is, and that she can depend on others. I can do that. And she needs to be accepted and loved unconditionally. I can do that TODAY.
Even if she isn't able to stay here. Even if the result of that is my heart is torn from my chest. Even if I ache for her for months and months after she is gone. None of that is happening TODAY.
So, I want to say thank you to the wonderful lady who I confided in. For making me see (once again) that it isn't about ME. For holding me accountable to the commitment I made to this little girl and to care for her until she doesn't need me anymore. It makes no difference that it wasn't the "three months tops" that HHS stated. She can trust me. She can grow safely and securely in my home. She won't be shuffled from place to place. She will be valued and put first. I will have played an important part in her life.........even if it hurts me in the end.
Liya turned one a few weeks ago. She had a party with her very own little cake to destroy, balloons, gifts and lots of frosting-faced pictures. She was surrounded by a host of aunts, uncles, grandparents, parents and siblings who adore her. My family is wonderfully supportive and accepting of our decision. They are putting their hearts on the line, too.
This morning I woke up to her grinning at me over the side of her crib........drool running down her chin and her clapping and saying , "Mama!" TODAY is a very good day, indeed.

A Year Ago ...

A year ago this month, we were just finishing our required parenting classes and were so excited to learn who our Adoptions Worker was going to be. We were so excited and felt so positive about our decision to become foster parents and adopt from our local foster care system.

Now, we are discouraged and ashamed of the way our "system" works. We still sit here, waiting for them to issue us our license so we can give a child or two a loving, happy home where they can be loved, respected and cherished!

Discouraging News

Unfortunately after talking to our Adoption Workers Supervisor over the weekend. She said she knows very little about the appeal process because once an appeal is filed it is turned over from the County to the State. She looked further into it for me and learned that it is not uncommon for the state to take any where from 3-12 months (yes a YEAR) to even issue the court date... then the actual court date can be any where from 3-6 months from then.

We are so limited on options and are not sure what to do next!

Still Waiting

We are still waiting on our court date. We received the notice saying that they received our appeal request a while ago and have not heard anything since then. On Wednesday, I called the number provided on that form, but of course they had no idea why that number would be listed, since they know nothing about the appeal process or who we would speak to. They transferred me to our adoptions workers supervisor and she did not know either. She said she would look into it and give me a call back.. still waiting.

Lifetime Movie

From the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption Newsletter 25 Feb 09:

Lifetime Television to Air Powerful New Movie

Tune in to Lifetime Television on Saturday, February 28th, at 9pm ET/PT, for the premiere of the powerful new Lifetime Original Movie, America, starring and executive produced by Emmy Award-winner Rosie O'Donnell. Lifetime's web site will share the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption's toll-free phone number and web site for viewers who want to help or are considering foster care adoption.

Based on E.R. Frank's book of the same name, the film takes viewers on the emotional journey of seventeen-year-old America as he navigates the United States foster care system. O'Donnell leads the cast as a therapist who gives America the support to deal with his troubled past and find the courage to survive against all odds. Newcomer Philip Johnson makes his acting debut in the title role alongside Academy Award nominee and Emmy Award-winning actress Ruby Dee. Additional air dates are March 1 and March 3. Check your local television program listings for details.

A little story

I was told an inspiring little story lately that I wasnted to share with all of you...

"We had a training last month and this guy came to talk about a variety of things. He told us about his AA daughter. I gathered that they unintentionally adopted her, but were thrilled with their decision. (Sometimes children fall into our laps when we least expect it.) Anyway, he was telling a story about when they had gone to a baseball game and his daughter had to go to the bathroom. She took off, running, to the restroom and he followed her. This AA guy stepped out and stopped him and asked why he was chasing that girl. He said that she was his daughter. The other guy thought about it for a minute and said "But she doesn't look anything like you." He said "You're right, she looks just like her mother." Then he explained that she was adopted and the other guy squinched up his face in a confused look and said "Why would you do that?" The first guy said *** "Well, why not? You didn't, so I did."*** I just thought that was great. Our DS bio family thinks we are totally nuts and racist for wanting to adopt him. But why? No one is standing in line saying "I want that child." so why not us? It's definitely something to ponder and it's a personal choice we each have to make."

Fostering Love

Discovery Health has a new show starting tomorrow night. Its called Fostering Love.

Feb 18, 8:00 pm
(60 minutes)
Fostering Love is the story of two California parents who have opened their home and their hearts to kids who desperately need both. We'll meet Jim & Mark, a couple who has an unusual, ever-growing family, made up of 3 kids and a barnyard full of animals.

Actress Nia Valardos adopts from foster care

This is a neat story, one with a happy ending.. those are nice to see - being that they are published few and far between.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nia-vardalos/the-list_b_161241.html

Sorry it has been a while since I have posted anything. Not to much has been going on for us. We received the confirmation, certified mail, this weekend that they have received our request for an appeal. The letter stated that a court date will be assigned and when it is assigned we will be notified. Fingers are still crossed that the date will not be to far out. I'll let you know when we hear something.

Another Blog

While waiting to hear back from Sacramento on our appeal date, I am getting restless. I try to find things to do to keep myself busy, but that is not always easy.

I created another blog, not one I will update to often, but one that talks more about us and our family. I thought I would share it with you all. You can share your opinions here on this post (regarding the other blog, if you would like to)

http://www.familythroughadoption.blogspot.com/

The Appeal

We did receive the denial letter with the attached appeal request form. We have completed it and it is going out in today's mail. Fingers Crossed that we get an appeal date that is not to far out. The Adoptions worker told me that she had one couple consider appealing their denial, and their appeal date, to go in front of the judge was not set for 8 months, so they ended up moving on and going with private adoption. Any way, I am hoping that our court date is not set that far out. As soon as we hear something, I will let you know. Thank you again for all your support!

The Letter

The licensing worker called Thursday night to tell us that the official denial letter was going out in the mail on Friday with the information about the appeal. I left another message for our adoptions worker. She called me back last night and we talked for quite a while. She is so wonderful. She told me a little bit about the appeal process and a little bit about what to expect, although she hasn't had any of her couples actually go through the appeal process so she didn't know to much. She said she does think it is a good idea for us to appeal, which to me was encouraging. I guess I was half way expecting her to look into "other options" but she didn't. She even told me that she will try to keep our case open as long as the department would let her. If they do have to close it, we just have to write in a letter (if the appeal works our way) to re-open it and she will gladly take on our case again. She was a bi frustrated because the LW never got in touch with her before calling me with the news. She said it should not happen that way, but what difference does it make at this point?

The letter should be here either today or Monday and we have 15 days to send in our appeal. We are responsible adults, with a successful business, we own our home, we are active members of the community, and we want this more than anything. I think those are good reasons to go for this appeal!

I spoke to the adoptions worker and she is going to get in contact with licensing and talk to the Licensing worker to see what is going on. She is going to call me back when she knows more. I will update when I hear from her.

Small Update

We have not received the official "letter of denial" yet.. but I am expecting it any day. I decided to call an agency that works with a few close by counties (recommended by a friend.. thank you!) I called and talked to the Social Worker there to see what she thought. I told her our situation and asked her if we have any hope. She was amazing and very nice. She said not to do anything yet.. be positive and don't lose hope with the county until they actually deny us.. because ya just never know. Any way, she did say if" we do get denied by the county to give her a call and we can talk. She said it is not up to her if we get licensed that it works a little differently when working with an agency vs. the county, but we could go in and meet with her and she is willing to talk to us about our options. So right now we are just waiting to see what happens.

Like I had said before, Danny left a message (two messages) for our adoptions worker, who approved us originally, to be sent over to licensing to see if there is anything she can do. She has not called us back yet, which is not like her. I don't know what to think about that other than maybe... she is waiting to hear from the licensing worker to see what is going on before she calls us back. I am going to try her again on Monday.

Not so good

Well the licensing worker called tonight.. apparently "it isn't looking like" they are going to grant the exemption. Because Danny got a BUI and DUI 11 (yes ELEVEN) years ago, we had to get a special approval, which they call an exemption.

We have been working with the county sense Feb 08'. We have gone to numerous classes, required and voluntary. We have gotten CPR and First Aid Certified. We have been through multiple hour long interviews with the adoptions worker (who we love). We have gotten all the records together for our pets, gotten the room ready for two lovely little ones, preferably a sibling set of two under the age of five. We were approved and referred over to the licensing department and then had ONE 45 minute interview with this woman who focused the entire interview about alcohol. We reminded her that although we go out with friends and yes we do drink on occasion, that at this time, we do not have the responsibility of children to come home to.

Her reasoning for denial is "lack of rehabilitation". Let me point out that not only did Danny go through all the required classes and pay all fines, and the fact that this was when he was 21/22 years old.... apparently that was not enough in HER opinion. And because she based this opinion after getting to know us for 45 minutes, we are being denied.

OH wait.. we are still waiting on the county attorney to agree that her reasons are legitimate. This means nothing! Once they approve her decision, she will call to let me know. Wow.. thanks!

At this time, Danny has placed a call to the adoptions worker, who actually took the time to get to know us, and approved us to see if there is anything she can do. If not.. then we have the right to appeal.. Hold on ladies and gentleman... we have a longer ride ahead of us... cause we are NOT GIVING UP!

p.s. I am typing this In tears right now.. I am so upset!